“You made everything about my life so crystal clear. I don’t think the observations you had at our last session were ones I wanted to hear; but they were right on the money. I think my search for what ails me is over. Now to get rid of it, change and never think or talk about it again is my goal.”
“I thank you so very much. I’m feeling a “shift” and “relief”. I am pacing myself and listening to the recording every night.”
“I’m doing much much better! I had lunch with brother yesterday and really enjoyed it! Surprised myself. My stomach is much better. I’m so grateful for your help. I’m able to rebound without napping-just listen to tape and the breathing, body scan, nature sounds.”
“So great! I woke up happy-happy all day 2 days in a row. Woke up happy today! 0 anxiety 0 stress 3 achy. 1 hour of rest yesterday while watching the sunset. I stayed up late because I was enjoying myself rather than going to bed early sad. I took a stand up shower, stood up for makeup and hair – last time that happened was November last year. I enjoyed visiting my daughter and enjoyed playing with grandson rather than “surviving” it. I started a sewing project 6 months ago and have been enjoying/rather than stressing over how in the world am I going to finish this while working on it. I resisted washing my daughters dishes and folding her laundry. That was hard. Ate healthy. I was dancing and smiling getting ready for bed. Giggling in my sleep. You are amazing. I like this latest tape because there aren’t any negative feelings that come up. Thank you!”
“Fibromyalgia, PTSD, Hashimoto’s, depression, and anxiety, and so began my journey in search of relief of my tremendous fatigue and pain. My world had been turned upside down. Instead of being the woman who could do it all; I was a woman who could not get out of bed.
I was determined to get well. I wanted my life back. The medical care in my home town was horrendous. I was able to get into the Sansum Clinic and found wonderful doctors who actually looked me in the eye and listened with compassion. Unlike my hometown doctors, they put me through many tests before diagnosing me. Fibromyalgia, incurable, not what I wanted to hear. Yes, I improved little by little with medications, which I had to change often because I would acclimate quickly, and medications that gave me so much hope lost their benefits after several weeks.
I had been referred to a book called The Divided Mind by John E. Sarno, M.D. by one of the specialists. It was the first time I heard about the mind body connection, but the book was difficult and explained how it contributed to illnesses but not how to use this knowledge to heal.
I went in search of alternatives, traditional therapy, grief group therapy, physical therapy, chiropractor, acupuncturist, massages, stress workshop, meditation, mindfulness, sensory deprivation salt float tank, reading books, listening to lectures online, forgiveness, positive affirmations, yoga, medical marijuana edibles and on and on. I even tried hypnosis videos online.
When I told my doctor this he referred me to Mary Moylan, Hypnotherapist. I checked her out online and made an appointment.
I didn’t have any expectations for the first visit, but I went in purposely believing it would work. I knew there would be no chance of it working if I didn’t believe. We talked for about an hour; I sugarcoated my problems and felt very silly about trying hypnosis. Mary was very understanding and a fantastic listener. She read me like an open book and challenged some of my beliefs “caregiving” and “helping others at the expense of myself” were my “best qualities”. She challenged me to set some boundaries and balance my needs against the needs of others. I told her I was looking for a way to stop the depression from worsening when it decided to descend. Once my “ship started sinking” I couldn’t stop it from taking me all the way down to a very scary place. I was so ashamed of my depression; viewing it as a “failure of character”.
I also was looking for relief from the debilitating fatigue and from the physical pain. The hypnosis session lasted less than 30 minutes. I am very good at using my imagination from years of practicing meditation and I went along with all the instructions given during hypnosis wholeheartedly. I felt so good that I did not want to wake up! I felt great after waking up though, no pain, no anxiety, no depression; I had started the session in pain and with anxiety. I felt great until the next day after I pushed my body too hard, yet again. I was told to listen to the tape every night before bed and that I would be having “venting” dreams in which the depression, anxiety, grief, and anger would be “released”. Guess what, I did! I felt tremendous relief from the depression, anxiety, and pain.
My entire world shifted during the second session when Mary explained to me that I was unintentionally programmed by my parents to feel responsible for keeping my family together, to rescue my sister over and over without complaining, to have a big hole in my soul desperately needing to be filled with love and affection, my trying to “earn” love, my efforts to be a “good” girl/person hoping to be noticed, my tendencies to “be quiet, don’t talk about your sister, it’s a secret”, feeling “second best” since my sister was favored outrageously, feeling so “alone” and “unheard” with no one to talk too.
I had accepted my illness by convincing myself that my personality traits were inherent and that I was meant to be my parents caretaker.
Who was I without my “giving” personality?
Mary was able to see what I couldn’t and then it all became so crystal clear. I’m surprised my head didn’t explode from the change in my thinking. I never had a chance of healing until I saw “what” needed to be healed. Mary began incorporating “healing the inner child “ into the sessions. It became so much easier to take care of myself when I saw that child within me. I was so appreciative that the healing was taking place without the need to hash over the things that happened to me, allowing me to maintain the love and forgiveness for my family that I had struggled to accomplish for so long.
She began working on correcting the programming; giving my voice back, encouraging me to talk honestly with my husband and children about what I was going through. Convincing me my words were important, building my self esteem back up. Challenging me to balance my needs with the needs of others. Discouraging me from my “secretiveness”. I “ protected” my husband, children, grandchildren, and other loved ones from the ugly details of my life. Putting on a brave face and hiding my illness.
I have risen to every challenge she has presented, not easy, but so worth it.
I finally had that talk with my husband; by talk I mean devastating tears and letting it out like an avalanche. He listened, understood, showed such compassion. Everything changed in me; I was heard and my burdens lifted.
My world changed the minute my husband heard me. I’m telling you, It felt like a miracle. Happiness and joy came back to me. I’ll never be “cured” but I’m getting my life back bit by bit. Mary said to expect the healing process to be up and down. I’m learning to put myself first, methods of turning myself around when the depression hits, to balance helping loved ones against my own needs, to recognize when my body needs rest, to not push through. I don’t feel the need to earn love. I can now enjoy being with my brother and niece after 7 years. I’m no longer looking for proof that I’m not loved. I’m learning to let go and enjoy life again. I haven’t had to nap; just listen to my tape and do the breathing, body scan, relaxation sounds. I can be ready to go again in an hour instead of being sick in bed for up to 7 hours during the day. I’ve been sewing again, shopping , eating healthy , doing more around the house. I’ve been connecting with friends again. I still have highs and lows but the highs are higher and so are the lows! Happiness, joy, and hope have entered the picture again!”